The Revival of Rock Lee
by Flesheater777
Summary: Also known as 'Fullmetal BushyBrow', this story looks back on Rock Lee's disabling injury at the hands of Gaara and asks 'What if technology came to the rescue. FMA Naruto crossover. R
1. Chapter 1

**The Revival of Rock Lee**

**(also known as Fullmetal Bushy-Brow) **

**An alternate reality fic by none other than Flesheater777**

**Chapter I: The Unthinkable Happens (or I'd Rather Be Dead)**

**A/N: As you all know, early on in the Naruto series, Rock Lee had his left arm and leg crushed by Gaara's Sand Coffin Technique, only to have it healed magically later. So I ask, what if instead of magic, technology came to Rock Lee's aid? Prepare to find out!**

**A bright light was shining in my face. I could hear Gai-sensei saying, "It's gonna be alright, Lee." Then all went black…**

**I woke up in a white room in a plain-looking bed. The hospital, I figured. Then I remembered what happened. It all flashed very fast before my eyes, and I got angry. I failed! I got this far and I failed! All that work, gone! Because of a single Sand Village ninja! At that moment, I slammed my fist through the nightstand that lay beside my bed. Then I realized I slammed my fist right _through_ the nightstand. I slowly lifted my left arm, to find an arm made of metal in its place! At that moment I forgot myself and ran screaming down the halls. "Yahoooooooooooooo!!!" Then a voice from behind me said, "This is a hospital. Do try to keep it down." I turned to find Gai-sensei giving me a thumbs up with a smile. "What happened to me, sensei?" Then, Kakashi appeared out of nowhere and began explaining things. "Gai pleaded to the Hokage to do something about your condition. After a lot of embarrassing groveling, the Hokage finally hired a person from an outside town called Resembool to do this. Her name was Winry, and she called that stuff 'automail'. At any rate, you can become a ninja again." At that moment, Gai-sensei burst into tears and said, "Once again my eternal rival has done something cooler than me! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Then Kakashi continued. "Anyway, your body took an immense amount of time to recover. Naruto is the Hokage, Sakura is his bride, Hinata and Sasuke have teamed up with Orochimaru to constantly make assassination attempts at them, and you're gonna be stuck with people younger than you in your new squad. Report to the assignment room in 10 minutes." I was in complete and utter shock. My beloved Sakura, married? To Naruto? Such a thing could not be! Why must I always suffer in matters of courtship? Then I realized the second half of what Kakashi said. If Naruto gets assassinated, then Sakura can be mine! I hate to wish ill will on another for selfish purposes, but I am in love, and nothing makes sense anymore! Then I remembered that last bit. _Oh, no. I am going to have to deal with younger people. Oh well. How bad could it be?_**

** 5 minutes later… **

**"You've got to be kidding me!" That is what I said when I was assigned to a team with Konohamaru. You, my fanpeople, know what that torture is like. Of course, I begged on my hands and knees. Then I realized that there was hope. I still had yet to see who else was on my squad. That is when Kakashi introduced him. "I'd like you to meet Edward Elric. He will be the third in your little troupe. His exceptional alchemical skills are something new to the world of ninja, so we passed him from Genin school early. Don't be surprised if he can't perform Jutsus well." That's when Edward walked up to me. "So, another guy with automail, huh? Where'd you get yours?"**

**"I'm told this came from a craftswoman named**

**Winry in a town called Resembool."**

**"Ya don't say! That's where I get mine, too! I used **

**to live in the area, and she's a good friend of mine."**

**"My name is Rock Lee. Good to meet you."**

**"Nice to meet you to, Lee."**

**That was when Konohamaru spoke up. "Hey! Aren't you forgetting someone! Hey! I deserve respect! I'm the grandson of the last Hokage!" I laughed when Edward stared at Konohamaru and yelled "Shut up, you little runt!" Then things got serious.**

**"You're short too!"**

**"WHO ARE YA CALLIN' SHORT! YOU'RE SO **

**SHORT, MOST GUYS NEED A MAGNIFYING **

**GLASS TO SEE YA!"**

**"OH YEAH? WELL, YOU'RE SO SHORT…**

**ummm… YOU'RE SO SHORT THAT MOST **

**GUYS NEED A MICROSCOPE TO SEE YOU!"**

**"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN!**

**They were about to fight when I stepped in between them. "Stop it! How are we supposed to work together if we're fighting! Edward, I hate Konohamaru too, but we are stuck with him. We have to put aside our differences and come together as a team!" Edward then said, "He started it!" I was about to say something when a gong rang. A white shrouded person wearing a red and white sunhat walked up to us, his head bowed. Then he lifted it, revealing Naruto's childish face. He spoke. "I know what'll fix this! I'm buying everyone ramen!" Then Sakura appeared beside him. "Naruto, not everything can be solved with ramen!" Then they giggled, and then kissed. "Uhhhhh… I think I'm going to throw up…" said Edward. Frankly, I agreed with him. To see my beloved Sakura actually kiss that… that… _pig_, makes me sick to my stomach. "You said it…" Then Konohamaru, being the child he is, said "EEEEEEW! GROSS!" Such remarks only made them giggle even more. However, they would be the only ones laughing, for what would happen next would be too horrible for us. I just had to ask that one question.**

"**Who's going to lead our team?"**

"**Jiraiya will be teaching you."**

**I will have to continue this story later. I have just been assigned an S class mission, and it may take awhile. Stay tuned for the next chapter: Alchemy and Perverts Don't Mix!s **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter II**

**Alchemy and Perverts Don't Mix**

**"What? What's so bad about Jiraiya?" Edward asked. I couldn't believe how profoundly dumb he seemed. I had to keep in mind he never met Jiraiya before, but GOD! "Jiraiya-dono is a pervert, Edward. He is the lowest of the low, and is no better than Konohamaru." Then Jiraiya, utterly outraged, said "HEY! Konohamaru is plenty worse than me! Besides, I'm one of the sannin, and you better show respect!" Then Edward made things worse by saying "Respect my ass! You're going down, hotdog-sama!" Then began a fight which would go down in ninja history. Jiraiya performed his summoning jutsu immediately, rushing towards Edward with a sword in his hand and an outraged look on his face. Edward simply clapped his hands, touched them to the ground, a pulled a spear right out of the ground! Imagine that! Even more astounding is the fact that he impaled Jiraiya's frog a split second before it could strike! I started to believe that Edward wasn't human at all. Jiraiya's frog disappeared in a puff of smoke, and Jiraiya rushed forward to bring his sword down on Edward's left arm. The sword snapped pitifully in half, and Edward smacked Jiraiya with the broad side of his spear, knocking him out. I was shocked. Then I remembered that he had automail as well. I rushed up to Edward, saying "How the hell did you do that, Edward-sama? Are you a god?" "What? I'm guessing you've never seen alchemy before. You could do this crap too if you knew how." I was starting to get a tingling sensation at the thought of me learning alchemy. I wondered what to do next. Should I learn alchemy? Or should I attempt to teach Edward taijutsu?**

**A/N: This story is now going interactive! Tell me your decision in your reviews and the majority vote will take place in the next chapter: Painful Teachings! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter III**

**Painful Teachings**

**I had decided. I was going to learn alchemy. I could not perform jutsus, but now I had a way of compensating with more than just taijutsu! I requested lessons immediately. **

**"Could you teach me how to do alchemy?"**

**"Nope."**

**I was appalled! How could he do such a thing? I could've shown the other ninja I was just as good as they were! Then he said something that brought my hopes back up.**

**"But I know someone who can."**

**I was jumping around randomly from the excitement. I may have lost all dignity in that moment, but with the power of alchemy I could get it back and more! Little did I know of who he had in mind though… **

**"Let me just call her. (various beeping noises of a cell phone) Hello? Teacher? Yeah, it's me. Ed. Listen, I have someone here who wants to be taught by you… Aaagh!"**

**She was yelling in his ear, obviously.**

**"Hold up! You don't have to test his survival instincts or anything. He's a ninja, and he knows this crap already… uh huh… okay. See ya then!"**

**I leaned closer to him, anxious to hear what he would say next.**

**"Okay. You're gonna be taught."**

**Again, I was jumping around in an undignified manner. Yes! I was going to learn alchemy! Woohoo! But what Edward said to me next made me uneasy.**

**"She's gonna be here in three days. I suggest you enjoy yourself while you still can."**

**You, the audience have the benefit of knowing what would come next. I didn't. Obviously, I spent those three days training, which made everything Teacher would say and do that much worse.**

**It was the third day. A horse-drawn cart rolled into town, bearing a large man and a middle-aged woman. When it stopped in front of me, I made the worst mistake possible. You see, I forgot that Edward mentioned she was female and shook the man's hand, saying, "So you must be my Teacher!" I swear, I still have Teacher's bootprint on my face to this very day! Then, the worst possible thing that could happen did. She started yelling.**

**"WHY'D YOU THINK HE WAS THE TEACHER!?!"**

**"Ummm…"**

**" WELL?"**

**"You see… ummm…"**

**"WHAT!?!"**

**"I was…(gulp)… expecting a… male teacher."**

**"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?!"**

**"I swear, I've only ever had male teachers! Please forgive me! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"**

"**Oh, all right. Guess those kinds of mistakes do happen. After all this is over, I'm gonna have to have a word with whoever runs this place…" Though I was extremely happy, I felt really sorry for what the Hokage would have to deal with. Then I remembered it was Naruto. This would be the perfect chance to get him out of the way and get my Sakura back! "When you do, look in that tall red and white building over there. Look for a guy named Naruto Uzumaki or The Hokage." Teacher looked down at me and smiled. "Well, you're not so bad after all. Maybe you'll be a good student, unlike Edward. (Turns to Edward) DOG OF THE MILITARY!" It was then that I started to think that she was mentally unbalanced. Then she said, "Alright, let's get on. Time's a' wasting." I got onto the cart, and we left. This is where I don't know what happened at the village, so Edward shall tell that part of the story.**

**Edward: It's Ed, Lee. Just call me Ed.**

**Anyway, I was there in the cart, heading towards who knows where, and I started to get uncomfortable. The awkward silence was making my stomach turn with unease. Then, Teacher said "Do you know what alchemy is?" I shook my head. That confused her. "Then why do you wish to learn?"**

**"I saw Edward do miraculous things."**

**"That's only basic alchemy as far as I'm concerned."**

**"I am the only ninja who cannot manipulate his chakra, and I felt alchemy would be perfect compensation."**

**"I see. Do you wish to use alchemy for destructive ends or creative ones?"**

**"Both. I seek to vanquish my opponents and protect those I care about. I am a ninja, and thus my life, and those around me, are in constant danger."**

**"Hmmm. I see. This is going to be a different experience than teaching the Elrics."**

"**HALT RIGHT THERE!" The cart stopped to meet a figure shrouded in shadow. I tensed for a fight.**

**A/N: This story is taking another interactive turn! Do you want Teacher to fight off a rogue ninja? If so, of what village? Or do you want Rock Lee to go mano-a-mano with a homunculus? If so, which one? R&R! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter IV**

**More Painful Teachings**

**"Why did the author stick me in the middle of this random road?" Lust wondered. She walked down the road and eventually saw a cart heading her way. _I know who she is, Edward's teacher. But the other one may be a bodyguard for all I know. Still, he's kinda scrawny. Oh, well. Might as well get rid of them now._**

**Lee's P.O.V.**

**A strange woman was in the middle of the road when we were on the way to wherever Izumi-sensei was taking me. _How could someone be more beautiful than my precious Sakura? No! It can't be! Must… avert… eyes… _While my thoughts were muddled, Izumi-sensei started to speak. "She's not human. We must fight her, Lee, or else we'll die. Homunculi are strong creatures, and… what are you DOING!?!" I then noticed I was staring, and then the true meaning of her words struck me. I jumped out of the cart and prepared to do battle. I tried to land hits on this woman, but she dodged without effort. _No! My infatuations are holding me back! Got to think of something! _I made a makeshift blindfold using a portion of the cloth wrapped about my arms and started to do battle again. I sensed her hands becoming denser, sharper. It seemed like her fingers were becoming blades! Then Izumi-sensei removed my blindfold and said "Leave this to me!" She fought well. The fight lasted for what seemed like hours. Blows were exchanged at a mad pace, and it seemed like there would be no victor. Then Izumi-sensei coughed up blood and collapsed on the ground. "Nooooo!" I cried. The woman lifted her fingers high, readying for a decapitating strike. Then a kunai whizzed into the symbol on her chest from the forest. She disappeared is a crackle of crimson lightning, and a voice from the trees said "It's been a while since I've had to bail you out, little sister." I watched in amazement as Anko-sensei stepped out of the forest. Izumi-sensei looked at Anko-sensei with an evil glare, saying "Youuuuuu…" in a tone similar to a growl. I feared the direction where this is going.**

**A/N: Time for more interactiveness! Which should happen: Should Anko give Izumi a noogie or should they have an all out brawl in the mud while Rock Lee watches? R&R! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter V**

**The chapter in which the author uses an idea he hacked from the mind of Rahu Roux**

**Anko-sensei had a rather cheerful smile on her face, which I found to be the most disturbing thing I've ever witnessed. She went up to Izumi-sensei and gave her a noogie, saying "Noogienoogienoogie!" repeatedly. Izumi-sensei ducked out of it after the 7th 'noogienoogienoogie!' and said, "What the hell is your problem?"**

**"What? I can't say hi to my little sister once in a while?"**

**"No, you can't give me a noogie without getting a knuckle sandwich!"**

**"BRING IT!!!"**

**"YOU'RE ON!!!"**

**Then they started to fight. It started to get really pathetic. Things like scratching, kicking, hair-pulling, and other stuff was going on. Then the best thing and the worst thing that would ever happen to me happened; they jumped into the mud and started tearing each other's clothes. I was so conflicted!**

**_No! I love Sakura!_**

_**No, I gotta look!**_

_**But I must defend my honour!**_

**_Nobody's looking!_ **

**_I'm above this!_**

_**You know you wanna! Besides, she's married to Naruto!**_

_**No! I refuse to admit that!**_

_**This is the best you'll ever get!**_

**And things kept going on like that. After half an hour, we parted ways.**

**Edward: And that's where I can start telling a more interesting story! You see, it happened like this…**

**Anko was back in the Village Hidden in the Leaves when she heard giggling near the girls' bath-house. She hid in a nearby bush and watched. Apparently, Greed was in town and was being shown the sights by Jiraiya. You guys know what Jiraiya's like, so I bet you're already laughing your asses off. But wait! It gets better! There they were, talking about what they were seeing.**

**"Ooh! Look at the ones on that one!"**

**"She's just beautiful!"**

**"Jiraiya, you're a king among men!"**

**"It's as I say, women are the second best thing to happen to men!"**

**"What's the first?"**

**"Sake!"**

**"Damn straight!"**

**Then they stopped when Anko gave them both a good knock across their heads. Jiraiya was almost in tears, but Greed didn't even flinch. Instead he got up, turned to Anko, and said, "My, you're not too bad yourself, toots!" It was then that Anko tried kicking him in the balls. But you guys know what Greed can do, so you should know he didn't fall down. Greed laughed, and then made the most interesting bet I've ever heard. "Hehehe… This is too much! Tell ya what, let's make a bet. You can kick me in the balls until sundown. If I haven't fallen on my knees by then, you have to sleep with Jiraiya." At this Jiraiya beamed.**

**"But if I win, you have to sleep with him!"**

**Jiraiya twitched with horror at that thought.**

**"Deal!"**

**A/N: Hohohohoho… Things are getting interesting now! Who do you want to win the bet? Anko? Or Greed? The choice is yours, faithful and not-so-faithful readers! Vote! Sorry for short chapters. Later! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter VI**

**Anko was getting desperate. The sun was almost down and the man she was kicking wasn't even flinching. _What the hell is up with this guy? It's like his balls are made of steel! _After about 5.32716 minutes (do not ask me how I can be this precise) she had an idea.**

**WHAP!**

**Greed's forehead transmuted into steel before the blow hit. Anko, thinking she had knocked him out, ran like hell. After thinking about what just happened for a couple of seconds, Greed turned to Jiraiya and yelled "Well!?! What are you waiting for! After her!" And so the chase was on. Greed, driven by revenge, Jiraiya, driven by his need to get some, and Anko, absolutely clueless but still running to try and get out of the bet. Greed's inhuman speed was somehow tied by Jiraiya, who had summoned forth strength from his… ahem… divining rod… and blue pills for middle-aged men… Ha! I went that far! Oh yes I did! Both tried to grab Anko's collar. They missed, but Anko noticed the breeze and turned her head. "Waah! How'd you catch up?" **

"**No-one double-crosses Greed!"**

"**Me wantee snu-snu!!!**

**Thinks were getting desperate for Anko then. She was getting tired, and there was no way she would get in bed with… _that!_ Then, a stone wall appeared behind her, separating her from her pursuers. "What the hell…" Was her reply. On the other side of the wall, things were different. As Jiraiya ran right into the wall, Greed stopped sharply 3 feet before it. _Hmmm… this is Edward Elric's work! Where's that little runt? I want to kill him!_**

**Greed looked around desperately, trying to find the blond-haired boy who caused him much misery in the past. Then, his voice was behind him. "Say, didn't I kill you already?"**

**"Oh, right." **

**As Greed disappeared from a lack of existence, I went over to Jiraiya. "You there! Hotdog-sama! You don't go looking in women's bath-houses! What are you, sick in the head?"**

**"I write romance novels for a living. I need inspiration!"**

**"No you don't! I looked at those Make-Out Paradise things you wrote and it's nothing but porno! Explain!**

**As Jiraiya could not explain, Edward decided that the old pervert deserved punishment. He transmuted some bindings from his recently-placed wall and stuck Jiraiya in it. "Hehehe… You're right where I want you, hotdog-sama! Now what should I do with you?" **

**A/N: What should happen to Jiraiya? Should he **

**Be assaulted by Orochimaru?**

**Be assaulted by Sasuke?**

**Be tortured with a hot poker? Or**

**Be left there for somebody else to handle? If so, who and what will they do? **


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter VII**

**"Yes, now you are in the proper position for what I have in mind. Hehehehehehehe…" Edward Elric was preparing Jiraiya for his torment. Electricity crackled as Ed transmuted the very clothes on Jiraiya's person. Then he called for back-up. "WINRY!!!" **

**"Yes?"**

**"I need you to make this person look more like a woman. After all, you're the woman, and should no more about makeup and stuff."**

**Jiraiya squealed in horror. He knew what was coming next. He tried to escape, but he was too late. He was in drag. Stuck to a wall in drag, actually. Winry and Ed walked away just then, leaving the pervert to whatever fate lay in store for him.**

**After a couple of hours, Tenten walked up to Jiraiya. "Even through all that makeup I can see you, Jiraiya. What kind of perverted scheme are you up to this time?" **

**"THIS IS NOT MY DOING!!!"**

**"Whatever. You deserve it then."**

**"Why are you even here?"**

**"I'm never in a fanfic! I wanna be in a fanfic!"**

**"We're in a fanfic?"**

**"Don't tell anyone. It'll distort fanfic reality."**

**And thusly, Tenten left. Then Gai-sensei approached. "Oh my! A maiden in need of rescuing! Time to prove that my flames of youth are stronger than Kakashi's cool and hip attitude!" Jiraiya sighed in disbelief. This was not his day. He was teased with the possibility of sex, melted to a wall, dressed in drag, and now he's being flirted with by another man. This, my faithful audience, is one of the reasons why Jiraiya drinks sake.**

**"Say, what's your name, you angel? I want to treat you to dinner."**

**"You idiot. I'm Jiraiya, the toad sage! Some punk in the squad I was teaching wanted to get back at me, and he did this to me."**

**"You deserve it."**

**"Why does everyone say that!?!"**

**"That's it. I'm taking over as leader of squad F."**

**"Aren't squads numbered?"**

**"SHUT UP!"**

**Just then, Armstrong emerged from the shadows. "I'm Edward's escort, and I must test each of his teachers to make sure of Ed's mental safety. Prepare yourself!" Of course, Armstrong ripped of his shirt and flexed his muscles as if somebody cared. That's when Gai-sensei went bonkers. "Oh!!! Your body burns with the flames of youth!"**

**"Youth? My body burns with more than youth. Each muscle is crafted to perfection with youth, discipline, and loyalty to friends and comrades! Just feel that loyalty! Feel hard, my friend!"**

**"You, sir, may help in teaching the students themselves! Say, I have an idea. We could teach them together. With your knowledge of physical power, my knowledge of technique, and our collective knowledge of the power of youth, we could make these children the pride of Konoha village!"**

**"An excellent idea! Edward shall enjoy being taught by ones so noble as us!!!"**

**A/N: I'm so deliciously evil! Now, for this chapter's interactive twist, I ask you, the audience, this solitary question: How should Gai-sensei and Armstrong teach squad F? **


End file.
